


your love is forbidden

by tomhollandeu



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, tom holland - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Complicated Relationships, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 13:13:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15730110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomhollandeu/pseuds/tomhollandeu
Summary: tom realizes he’s in love with you and wants to be more than friends with benefits.based on the prompt: "prove it" (from/for loserparker's 3k celebration on tumblr)





	your love is forbidden

**Author's Note:**

> title inspired by this century's "forbidden" (listen to it while reading for more feels)

“I love you,” Tom confessed the three words once more as stood in front of you while you sat quietly on his living room couch, averting eye contact. You fiddled with your fingers in between your lap. It was hard for you to not look up at your lover and best friend, but you gave in and did so. Regret ran through your body when you noticed the tears forming around his beautiful eyes.  
You’ve seen Tom cry before, but not like this-not when you were the source of his unhappiness.

The quiver in his bottom lip.

The tense clenching of his cheeks and jaw.

The shaking of his entire body.

All of it shook you to your core.

All you could think about was wanting to make him happy, but how could you when you were the rain to his storm?

“Isn’t that enough?” Tom pleaded with a slight voice crack. “Am I not enough?”

* * *

 

You and Tom started off as just friends. Great friends. The two of you would talk all night about everything and anything. You’d practice lines with him. You’d dance with him. You’d do whatever you could with Tom, granted he was free.

Then everything somehow started to include kissing. It was unintentional, an accident. Neither of you could remember why, but both of you remembered how.

His living room. He had his arm around your shoulder, like always, during a movie. You two were always physically close. Was it destined that you two would end up in this situation? You wondered that thought when both of you laughed at a joke from the movie. Following that, both of you stared into each other’s eyes and simultaneously had your breathing slow down.

No words were spoken when you two crashed into each other’s lips and neither of you stopped each other from grabbing onto the other’s waist.

The other’s arms. The other’s cheeks. The other’s heart.

Unfortunately, you locked away your heart. Long ago, you made a mistake once. The mistake haunted you, thus, without giving him a direct reason why, you blatantly told Tom that being with him was impossible. You implied his rise in fame was to blame; lying through your teeth was easier than to admit the truth.

Besides, he had choice of a million other girls to choose from. Why would he choose you over them?

And so Tom mutually agreed with you, as he didn’t see you as more than just a friend, and you two kept boundaries in place.

Kissing only. Touching over the clothes was okay. No attachments.

As long as the boundaries were in place, anything was fair game-as long as you two were single.

You were always single.

Tom was not.

He was never single when he was filming, but he somehow always was when he came back home to you. You wondered if all you were to him was an instrument to fill the void of all the girls he tasted throughout his travels. You felt flattered, knowing he couldn’t get away from you, like an incurable addiction, yet you were certainly jealous.

Nevertheless, this only further fueled why you believed Tom shouldn’t be with you.

Along the way, kissing somehow turned into sex.

It was gentle at first. Light kisses against your stomach. Chaste kisses against his pecs. Soft moans between the sheets.

Then the sex blossomed into something more. Controlling. Rough. Dirty. Calling out his name as he pulled your hair from behind. Begging to be punished. Commanding him to pleasure you in ways you knew no one else could.

At this point, you knew for a fact that love couldn’t be part of the equation anymore. Sure, there could be love as a friends, but the two of you were simply having sex. Any thought of Tom being a potential partner for you was smothered in the depths of your mind.

On the other hand, Tom began to see you under a different light.

From the beginning, all Tom saw in you was the epitome of a sophisticated girl. The girl who had everything and didn’t need a man. The girl who knew what she wanted. The girl who had the world at her fingertips.

Tom believed there really were no strings attached-that he would never want you as more than a friend.

But then he woke up in the middle of the night in a different city, searching for your warm body on the other side of the bed.

And again on a deserted couch in his trailer while he read his lines alone, searching for your hand that wasn’t there.

Another time, he stayed up all night, waiting for your text since you were out on the town hanging with your friends.

Tom soon realized this wasn’t just about the physical anymore.

All Tom saw in you was the epitome of his perfect girl.

The girl who he was meant to be with, through thick and thin, light and darkness, and every moment of his life. Tom ached to be with you, which was a reason for his escapades during his travels. He missed you. He missed your scent. Your smile. Your warmth. Your laugh. Your touch.

Your everything.

* * *

 

And here he was, in his living room after you two had sex, pouring his heart out, confessing his truth to you.

Before the moment he asked if he was enough, you shouted in response to his confession:

“Prove it. Prove to me that you love me.”

You couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth, saying that he loved you? How could he love you? How was this love?

Tom shook his head firmly with frustration. “I-I can’t.”

“No fucking shit, you liar!”

“No!” Tom desperately held onto both of your shoulders, almost as if he was about to shake you. “You don’t get it. You can’t prove your love to someone-it’s impossible. I can buy you a billion flowers, send you across the world a thousand times over, shower you with gifts, and it’s still not enough to prove my love for you!”

Tom grabbed your hands and held them against his beating chest. “I’d do anything for you!”

After his confession again, asking if he was enough for you, you began to shake just as much as he was and held back your own tears.

“Tom, I can’t-I can’t deal with this right now,” you diverted the question and stood up from the couch as you picked up your jacket, clutching it closely against your chest.

“Don’t you dare shut me out!” Tom raised his voice, causing you to shake further and clutching your jacket even tighter. “I know you feel something too, don’t lie to yourself.”

“Shut the fuck up, Tom,” you replied back with the same fury. “Grow the fuck up and stop fucking around for once. Literally. Maybe if you didn’t sleep around with all those fucking girls-by the way, thank your mate Harrison for telling me everything!-then maybe I wouldn’t have to lie to myself!”

“I fucked them because I fucking missed you all the time!”

“Why didn’t you say something to me then?!”

“Because you told me that you didn’t believe we could ever be a couple! You said, and I quote, ‘it’s impossible for us to be with each other!’ You fucking said it yourself!” Tom ran his hand through his hair, exhaling in pants while shaking his head.

You knew he wasn’t wrong, but you were too stubborn to agree with him. This was a fight you couldn’t win.

Under his breath, he sighed deeply, “It’s been three God damn years already, can’t you move on?…”

You clench your fists as you squint your eyes, drilling holes into Tom’s face.

“Fuck you, Tom,” you spat out the words with venom, flipping him off in the process.

“Have a good fucking life.”

You slammed his apartment door shut.

* * *

 

Two weeks passed by. Tom was about to leave once again for three months for another movie. It was now or never to apologize and it was unspoken, but you knew the ball was in your court.

You knocked on Tom’s apartment door, praying that he wouldn’t be home so you wouldn’t have to face him, despite the fact that you greatly missed him as much as he missed you. Tom opened the door with stoic eyes, waiting for you to speak.

“I’m sorry,” you immediately blurted, staring into Tom, who held his gaze steady. “I’m sorry for blocking you out. I’m…”

You closed your eyes and exhaled slowly, trying to hold your composure without breaking down.

“I’m scared, Tom. I’m scared of breaking your heart, like I did with my ex before. I’m scared of fucking this up and messing this up. I’m scared that if we be together that I’ll break your heart. When you began to cry I…”

Your tears began to stream down your face. Closing your eyes, you tried your best to make them go away. Tom couldn’t stand to watch you cry, so he broke from his apathetic demeanour and pulled you in closely against his plaid shirt, not caring one bit if you were soaking it.

“I-I’m sorry. I’m horrible,” you choked out among sobs.

“No, shush…” Tom whispered as he pet your hair softly in calm strokes.

“I’m sorry for not telling you how I felt before. I shouldn’t have done what I did. I’m really sorry too,” he gently pushed you away from his body for a moment so he could look at you in the eyes. Unfortunately, your eyes were too cloudy from all the tears. Tom kissed you on the top of your head and pulled you in again for a tight hug. You lifted your arms up from your sides to reciprocate the hug.

“I love you,” your words were muffled in his neck, but he heard it loud and clear.

“I know, love,” he inhaled your scent with a small smile, knowing you were completely his and he was all yours. “I love you too.”


End file.
